Friday, June 1 12:00 AM EDT

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Your 100GB MP3 collection spanning your three IDE hard drives doesn't impress your cellmate Gonzo. He's more interested in you.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Your boss doesn't buy the excuse that the router lights hypnotized you, and you still have to get the code done on time. The router laughs.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
The planets align perfectly for you this week, unfortunately you can't figure out why until it's too late. Don't worry it will happen again in 768 years.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sept 22
Your allegiance to Microsoft is tested this week as the affair between Bill Gates and your sister goes public.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You find out that "Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it," doesn't apply to floppy disks.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The stars don't know why or when, but you'll be rebooting in a hurry sometime this week.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You find out that the "hard way" that heat sink thermal compound doesn't make a good lubricant.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your mistaken assumption that the "boss key" on your game makes you the boss results in an embarrassing encounter with your supervisor.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
This week's attempt to energize your church congregation by typing up the bulletin in L33T SP34K doesn't quite turn out the way you had planned. They interpret "j35u5 s4v3z, w00t!" as a message from Satan.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You'll tell your co-workers that if you had more initiative you'd get a better job, or at least go on a murderous rampage.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Somebody set you up the bomb. Make no plan for the weeks.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You will finally make a date with the chat room hottie, unfortunately it turns out to be your mom.